I forgot to mention that as of October 24th, we have been in Monterrey for 2 months. It has not been easy, but I am getting glimpses more often that we are progressing.

Last night, we had our first "community prayer night" at the Sister's house in their chapel. Mike picked a portion of the encyclical of Pope Benedict from June. It was an opportunity to reflect on experiences that each of us have had feeling isolated from others, and also times when we have shared faith with others who are important to us. We reflected on what we would like to bring to this community from the good experiences we have had with others in our lives. Also, what is preventing us from sharing ourselves with each other as much as we would like to. I felt good about it overall, and waz filled with GOZO or JOY. Mike and I read Lisa (missionary in Mexico City)'s blog and we had a lot of fun hearing about her experiences. We watched "the cruel truth" and I stayed up too late putsing around.

I got up this morning feeling tired, but I was determined to be happy. We got to the clinic where it was fun to greet the employees. Dr. Julio was there. He's my favorite doctor and it makes my day when he's still there when we get there in the morning because he works the night shift. Sor Beatriz told Mike and me to talk to patients in the waiting room of the clinic. We absolutely ahte doing this because it is so awkward to walk up to random people when they can't escape from us and our spanish...normally Sor suggests that we can go to to do this and we choose not to, but this morning, it was more like an order. So, we did it and it wasn't horrible, but it was hard for both of us. If we had something in particular to talk to them about (ie. clinic publicity with a brochure or something) it would be totally fine. Julio and I are going to get together on Wednesday to do something fun, so I'm looking forward to whatever that will be. Then, we had a meeting with the Legion de Maria of San Rafael where we dispersed to do more home visits. The other missionaries all went with the same Legionarion to visit the same patients as last Tuesday, but my person wasn't there, so I got to go with someone new to visit patients who hadn't been visited before by us. We visited 4 houses. In the last one, the man wasn't home, so we spent time with only 3, but it was so rewarding! The first stop was with a very sweet couple. The woman was diabetic and had a prosthetic leg. The husband collects cardboard and bottles to bring income, and he told me that his wife has never had to work because he takes care of her. They were both in their seventies, and had one of their sons and his family living with them.

In the second house, there was an 86 year old man who couldn't talk because he had cancer in his throat nor could he hear. So he stays at home a lot in a sort of depressed state all the time and sleeps all day. It was challenging because his daughter was talking to us, but she wasn't necessarily including him in the conversation because of his challenges in hearing and talking. I tried a few things with him to include him. I knelt down at his feet to touch them because he had bare feet and it was chilly outside today, so I thought they might be cold. They weren't, but when I held his foot, he rolled up his pantleg to show me how he has bandages on his knees where he puts ointment for pain and then applies bandages so the ointment doesn't soil his pants. I was kneeling at his feet holding his leg, and he smiled at me, and made some talking noises. Later, I sat next to him, touching his shoulder and I tried to tell him that my grandpas have both died and I would want him to be a grandpa figure to me. He couldn't hear me, and his daughter tried to tell him, but still he couldn't understand. He can't read, so although his eyes are good, I can't write something to communicate either. He held my hand and I couldn't help but think how he has so much that he would still be able to do with his hands, etc. I don't know how it started, but he showed me how he could stand, and we started doing exerices. I touched my shoulders, waist, and knees, and he did the same. It seemed as though he hadn't moved like this in a long time. We did several other exercies, and he would smile at me like he appreciated so much that I would be doing these things with him. I would love to visit him weekly and bring different activities that we could do together. I asked his daughter if he had any hobbies or anything he could do with his hands, but no. We could do different movements for a little while, and maybe he would be interested in drawing or playing dominoes or various activities. I really would like to serve him in this way. We said a prayer together and he stood again to pray with us. He gave me a big hug before we left, and I just had such a good feeling about how we could work together and enjoy each other's company. I was so excited that I forgot my purse at their house, so we had to go back for it.

The third visit was to see a woman who had a stroke about 5 years ago and her whole right side is paralyzed. As soon as we walked in, there was a strong odor of urine. She lives in a separate little room and although her son, daughter-in-law and their kids live nearby, it seems like she does not get the attention she needs. She changes her own diapers and although she was amazingly happy, I felt for her in the situation she's in. It was cold in the room, and she didn't have very warm of clothes on. She asked me how she looked to me, and I had to answer that she looked good, "con animo," and while it was true, I want more for her so much. She needs to be included in something.

On my walk back to the clinic, I passed the house of Lorenzo and his wife (I forget her name). Their house has a mixture of different kinds of chicken fense in the front and they have a big piece of plastic sign covering the roof to protect from the rain. They come to the grupo de la tercera edad where we go on Thursday mornings when we are at the clinic. Lorenzo cares for his wife who is in a wheelchair. They were robbed not too long ago, so he collects cardboard boxes and cans to sell for their income. They have invited us numerous times to their house for parties for people in their family or to just come eat with them. Linda and Paula had had supper with them on Friday, but we haven't all had a chance to see where they live before. Lorenzo showed me their house and the backyard which was full of plants, they had a hen, and a few little blue birds. Lorenzo offered that I could take a plant with me. I think he sells them. It was about 1pm by this time, so he offered that I could have lunch there too. They had bought some cornflakes, and they had eggs from the hen, so they offered those to me. He kept saying how he wants to invite us over for an asado (to grill meat). I continue to be humbled by the generosity of these people because this is obviously a very expensive invitation for people who live off a salary of selling cardboard boxes that others have put in the garbage. I felt so comfortable there with them.

I got back to the clinic and had lunch that I had packed...tortillas, mole, and refried beans. I spent a little time with Laura Vega who was obviously upset. She is trying to go to school full time for physical therapy while working full time as a social worker at the clinic...she just found out that tomorrow she has to be at her school from 8am-8pm without eating doing practicum. Also, she will work at the clinic Satuday from 9am-1pm and will have to return from 8pm-8am to get her hours in. She has class 4-5 days a week and works 6 days a week. She is such a wonderful woman and she has had such a hard life so far. I think I wrote about her before, but she is 32, has had cancer and was abused by her husband during her cancer treatments in Minnesota. She is still technically married, but left the US and now can't come back until her green card expires in 2011 because it was stolen, and lots of other details...She has so many good ideas, but feels like her creativity is cramped in the clinic. She had been working in Tampamolon for 5 years where she had an environment in which she could flourish. I really appreciate her, and I wish I could do more to help her have a better experience right now.

Today was Alejandro (one of the choffers)'s birthday, so we had a cake and sang to him. It was such a great day for me, but everyone else is really stressed out. Mike got chewed out by Sor for going with Alejandro to the main hospital to run an errand with him without asking her permission. Paula is supposed to translate a medical document by tomorrow for Dra. Granados, but she couldn't finish at the clinic today by the time that we were to leave and it didn't work to email it to herself...so now she is redoing the whole thing at the cyber cafe. Linda is stressed trying to get details ready for her trip to San Antonio. Sor Beatriz is feeling pressure to get all the kinks (and there are going to be major ones) ironed out for our project and she has other things bothering her. I just know that she and Sor Angeles seem very busy and stressed, and so that adds quite a bit of tension on top.

Tomorrow we have our final class of 3 on tanotologia (study of dying) at the main hospital downtown. We leave the house at 7:45am and have class until noon. After the other two classes, we have gotten to go home early, but tomorrow we are going to go to the clinic afterwards because the doctor might want to talk with us, but probably not. So we will probably end up just sitting there. I don't want to protest because the Sorrs are so stressed out, but I really don't like being at the clinic when there is not something particular that we are supposed to be doing there.

I talked with Tere Manon today on the phone, and I was positive with her, but we agreed on a couple things that need to change around here. First, we need to have separate projects so we are not all 4 together all the time. The gameplan is to find a balance between being at the clinic and being part of other projects. She emailed Mike and me a list of other service groups in Monterrey that we might be able to collaborate with. Second, we should not be in a 9-5 schedule for this type of work. We need more freedom to do our own things, but it is also necessary that we are gentle and gradual with these changes. It is wonderful that we do have such good relationships with the Sorrs, but we cannot be with the two of them all the time with them controlling every detail of how we live. I would like to work with more of the Sisters of the Incarnate Word who have different ministries here in Monterrey.

I have about 2 hours of reading in spanish about euthanasia in preparation for tomorrow's class, and I have to write up a diagnosis about the vists I made today and in what ways the clinic might be able to serve them yet tonight. Thank God we have a washing machine. It makes life a lot easier, especially when we have so many other things to worry about.

We are in a dance, trying out what will work, adjusting expectations, and being optimistic. God is with us through it all. Thanks for being part of this journey with me.

So this morning, we went to a different church for mass. It was a bizarre mass in general...it was much more "high church" than the places we normally go, also the people were much wealthier than our normal crowd. The choir was really good too, and sang in harmony. I found myself not wanting to put money in the collection there because I wanted to save it to put into the basket at our poorer neighborhood church. The homily struck me though... The blind man wanted to see...more than just physically and so Jesus gave that to him. "Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!" Jesus responds to him, but only because Bartimaeus first wanted and asked for the insight that he lacked. The priest described how our God doesn't force us into anything. If the lives that we live are sinful and we want our lives to be that way, God does not force us to change our ways. God works with us to change in the ways we want to change for the better. This week, I have thought a lot about what it would mean for me to be a sister, and it has kinda been haunting me because I have a strong desire to be a mom and wife someday too. The homily helped me to understand better that it's okay for me not to know right now which of these vocations (of marriage or of vowed religious life) is going to fit me best. God will not force me to choose one or the other. If God puts the right man in my life, I trust that that will be the way that I can grow individually, with him, and with God the most effectively. If the man that can allow me to keep growing in the right ways does not come into my life, I am okay with that too. Living as an ordained religious is very appealing for many reasons. I see how I would be able to live abroad and love and care about others in a way similar to how I'm living right now, among poor people. I feel very close to Christ when I am around people with few possessions. I am learning more and more what it means that Jesus loved us even enough to die for us. I'm going to back up to last Saturday and go through the week because it was a very interesting and tiring week.

My interactions with Hermana Mica (Sister of the Holy Cross) and the Saint Mary's Crew were amazing. SMC arrived in Monterrey Saturday when I was at a celebration for the day of the doctors with the director of our clinic (the 4 of us missionaries all went). They had a buffet with baby goat, and all kinds of traditional and fancy mexican foods and lots of beverages...we were there all afternoon and all crashed when we got home at 9:30pm. Kame (Dr. Granados' 22 year old son) offered to take Mike and me out to the bars with his friends and him, but I couldn't stay awake for the life of me. So we went to sleep early, and the next morning, I called Mica's house. The girls were going to mass with another Sister, and so Mica told me to be there about 1pm to meet youth at the parish, go to lunch with them, and participate in a young women's group. So Mike and I took the bus to mass at San Rafael (the church that's 2 blocks away from the clinic where we work.) We saw many of the people who have been working with us from the parish on our hospice project. We visited the clinic and walked around the neighborhood a bit, browsed in the market, and visited with a few people that we know from the area. I felt really good about being present there on our free time. I think it's really important for trust-building that we are around that area more than just 9-5 Monday through Friday. Also, I love being there. All week people kept coming up to us saying that they saw us at mass...we kinda stick out since we are white and tall compared to everyone else in the church.

After mass, I took the metro to Guadalupe all by myself. I asked directions and found the church that the SMC girls were at. It was SO great to see them and to meet the new Music Ministry Sister. Also, I was so excited to see Esperanza and Areli. These 2 women were living with Mica discerning whether to be Sisters 3 years ago when I visited. Now they are learning intensive english so they can go to the novitiate which is now at Saint Mary's. I can't get enough of them...! Mallory brought a bag of stuff from home for me that my mom and Cesar each contributed to....art supplies, chocolate, blank cards, some clothes, my student id so I can get discount fare for the bus. So exciting! I spent the day with SMC until like 9pm when I had to go home... The "club de amigas" is a group for women older than 18 that get together at 5pm every other Sunday and talk about different themes. I loved the group and I would like to be part of it. One of the girls kept joking that I have "the face" to be a Sister of the Holy Cross. I liked it, and it got me to start thinking about it again. Sor Beatriz called me when I was waiting for the metro and she was surprised that I was alone. I was totally fine and safe, but she was very worried and doesn’t want us to be out alone at night....Here I had had the experience that I desperately needed to do something on my own, and I was being reprimanded for it....that was hard. I understand her concerns and I am very conscious of safety. It's just that I was safe and really happy.

Monday we had Sr. Tere Maya and Sr. Rosaleen Harold (both Sisters of the Incarnate Word) from the general council that were visiting the Monterrey mission to see how all the Sisters and missionaries were doing. They are wonderful sisters. Tere Maya is the sister that Mike calls Sister Badass because she says things how they are and she is insightful. We ended up discussing the community situation with them, as well as the situation with our job and house, pretty much they just wanted to hear all the truth. We ended up getting out a lot of concerns about the community and it was really good... they think we need to build a foundation with trust within our group before we can do an effective job at the clinic...and that we can be more creative in our community outreach. Tere Maya gave me permission to not have to act like I'm 50 to fit into the community. She said...you can be 50 when you actually are, but for now, just enjoy being yourself, and be creative with your gifts...God, I needed to hear that she actually understood how hard this has been for us. They said that they will give us some sort of answer to how they can support us by the 27th of October, before Linda leaves for San Antonio for her doctor’s appointments. We might have a retreat facilitated by one of the other Sisters in order to facilitate trust-building, etc, or something else....I was filled with hope, and things have actually gotten better within us since that. Linda and Paula have asked more questions about things that Mike and I do, and seem to be trying pretty hard. That night, Mike, Paula and I made cards for the missionaries in Peru with my new art supplies. Sr. Rosaleen told us that she is going to Peru next so she would be happy to deliver them.

Tuesday we met with two groups from San Rafael the Legion de Maria and the group of women who bring Communion to homebound people to do our first round of home visits. It was wonderful. Then, in the afternoon, Laura Vega (social worker) and I sold a bunch of waffles as a fundraiser for the clinic. That was pretty sweet.

Wednesday, we met with the Legion de Maria and Eucharistic Ministers again to talk about the visits from the day before. It was really long, but good. Then, Mike and I went downtown to try to meet up with the SMC girls. I had one digit wrong for Hermana Mica's cell phone though so we ended up just spending lots of time exploring. I bought some handmade jewelry, we ate at a chinese buffet, and Mike got his hair cut by a really flaming man...it was a good day.

Thursday we had a normal morning, an afternoon meeting with the Legion de Maria from San Marcos chapel. We prayed the rosary with them and got some names and addresses of sick people that they know. Then, Mike and I went to Guadalupe to see SMC. We arrived a little late for mass, but it was still good. We had spaghetti with the crew and ended up getting home about midnight. It takes a good hour- hour and a half each way. It was worth it, but was really tired.

Friday was the day of the doctors. We stopped in to the Clinic Fomerrey 109 on the way to work to greet the staff that works there like we do sometimes. My friend Dr. Julio was there. He had just finished 5 days in a row of working the night shift at our clinic. It had been like a month since we had seen each other. He gave me his phone number because I still don't have ours memorized. We are going to try to do something fun together this week. I really want to get to know him better. He gets me. Also, Mike is great and all, but I need friends other than him. For lunch, we had a potluck where everyone brought a different ingredient for tostadas. We brought lots of cheese. We had some really delightful mango cake for the doctors too. After work, Laura, Mike, and I went to an expo where there were lots of different booths from Latin American countries. I bought some more handmade jewelry and got a chain for my Incarnate Word cross. It was in the South of the city where we hadn't been before. It was very fun, and we came home and crashed.

Saturday, we slept in till about 9am, I swept and scrubbed the bathroom, my bedroom, and the steps. I picked up my room a lot, pounded nails into the wall to hang up my painting that I got from the clinic like a month ago. It was wonderful to have a relaxing day to catch up. Reuben, who is the maintenance man invited us to his house for supper. So Mike and I walked about an hour to his house. They served us gringas de trompo and de bistec (tacos with pork and with beef), and another type of tacos de bistec and mole and rice and beer. It was a ton of food and with beer, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to eat for a week. Reuben’s 2 kids were sweet (10 and 16 yrs old). The 10 year old showed us her jewelry that she makes, played dominoes with us, showed us a movie of her brother’s graduation from primary school, etc. Reuben and his wife sell food from their house Thursday through Sunday in addition to Reuben’s 6 days that he works at the clinic. It was really good to be there with his family, but the walk home with overfull bellies was more than unpleasant. We came home, drank a lot of water, and crashed.
I slept until 10:30am (thank goodness we gained an hour last night), and then had a grapefruit, and the 4 of us went to mass with the Sisters. I shaved my legs this afternoon and realized that I am whiter than I have been in a long time. Today it's sunny, but it's still pretty socially inappropriate to wear shorts here.

We have home phone and Mike and I share a cell phone, so if you'd like either of these numbers, let me know. I uploaded more pictures, so check out the link to see more if you'd like. I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written. I appreciate all the prayers. Love, Andrea

So I know the last blog was kind of a downer...Tere Manon has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday, Dra. Granados, the two Sores (Sisters), and Tere had a meeting with us to tell us that it is necessary that we work to become a community. Tere then met with each of us individually the past couple days. Things are starting to get better. Last night, Mike and I did something very fun...



So on Wednesdays, the movie theater that is about a 20 minute walk from our house has tickets for 35 pesos (approx. $2.70). So Mike and I saw Rescate del Metro 123 with Denzel Washington and John Travolta. Last Wednesday we saw Time Traveler's Wife. There were several funny moments. First, I decided that I wanted popcorn, so we got a popcorn. I asked for salt, and the cachier gave me a very strange look as though I was asking for maple syrup or something crazy. Then, we went to the butter pump where Mike put a LOT of butter on our popcorn. It started oozing out the bottom and made a big puddle. We were laughing hysterically. Then, I decided to buy M&Ms because the Reeces taste really bad here and I am craving chocolate, and they were buy one get one free. I found the movie very funny. I think I just needed some good laughter therapy. After the movie, we rode the escalator up and down because we forgot where we were going, and the walk home was funny as well. We had decided to get out and have some fun, and we did just that. I felt awful from all the butter popcorn when I was in my bed last night, and woke up very sleepy this morning. Today, we left at 8:15am for the clinic, and I got lots of hugs from all the old people en el grupo de la tercera edad. Thursdays are my favorite days here because of them. This sweet lady bought us a hot milky drink, and it was really yummy. I love observing all the crafts that the women bring with them. I am going to start a needlepoint tortilla cloth like they make. I bought the circle and needle. One of the ladies in the group sells the fabric and string, so I will buy those from her next week. Mike and I went home from the clinic early today to have individual time to talk with Tere, and it was good to be at home alone for a while. I find myself craving some along time these days. I just posted our new address and Iam working on uploading photos on a picasa web album. When I figure it out, I will post a link. We now hae wireless internet in our house, so I can skype talk and email everyday. Tonight, Tere is making supper for all of us, and I am looking forward to moving forward with creating a positive community. Tere says that it is not an option for us to be in Tampamolon right now. I still feel like this is our homebase, but that only God knows what is to come. Thanks for all of the supportive messages after my last blog entry. Love, Andrea