I have been censoring my blog entries to exclude a lot of the drama going on within our house, but this has been the most challenging part of my experience so far. I want to present this as rationally as possible, and I’m sharing because it has escalated to a point in which something needs to change, and I am working out what the best option will be. When I entered this program, I was expecting to live in conditions of poverty similar to the people we would be serving. Also, I was led to believe that all the people who would be living in our house would have the intention of living together in a community that cares about each member, and is interested in growing as a group in our faith and love for each other. I have loved more these past 2 months than I ever would have imagined I could. However, it backfired, and our house has a feud going on where there is harboring of animosity for the others, and I have never experienced a situation so unhealthy to live in. In my last blog, I already commented on how fancy our house is. The need to wash our clothes by hand and boil water had been the two parts of our routine that were simple, but this week we got a water dispenser, and we are getting a brand new washing machine soon. Also, a phone line and wireless internet will be part of our lives soon. I feel that it is very hard to relate to those around us when we have so much more than they do. Mainly, I was just looking forward to a difference from what we are used to at home.

In some ways, I know that I am growing immensely because I am being challenged to love people who do not necessarily want to be loved. I understand more fiercely than ever how amazing Jesus was to be able to love perfectly when it was not at all accepted. I also realize that I’m interested in conflict resolution as a potential career avenue. I miss that part of being an RA. I really value the ability to reason through conflict, and being here, I realize that just because people are adults, does not mean that they have learned to communicate effectively. I feel like that’s one of the most important skills people need to develop. If I stay in Monterrey, I have come to a point mentally where I can move forward to help myself be a healthier and happier person. However, another possibility keeps coming to the surface.

Fernando Ferrara, the big cheese of the Foundation that is supporting us keeps pointing Mike and me in the direction of moving to Huasteca. He has suggested that we could work on 2 projects: further develop the cooperative that the indigenous women have to sell their crafts, and help get the lead out of the water that people are to drink there. Also, there is the possibility of enhancing their bottle recycling program. The benefits to being there are numerous. It is the experience I had dreamed of in living simply. When I was there, I finally got a chance to interact with people, and began to have an exchange of experiences. There is a small town feel where people know each other and are open to share. It would be a chance to escape being part of the parade of “missioneros” that comes into the clinic everyday and tries to talk to the same few people while cramping each other’s space. I honestly think that having 4 missionaries trying to do the same thing in the same little place is way too many, especially when there are such strong personalities. We have made a plan to try to change the structure of our days at the clinic to begin doing things separately, but still…I think what happened in Santa Fe, Mexico City last year was better, because with 2 people, they can support each other, but there are enough resources to go around as far as people go. Then, after the initial year, it’s okay to add 2 more, because 2 are already settled. Maybe that experience was more challenging than I see it, but all I know is that I find myself not talking to people because one of the others has already gotten to them first….it sounds so childish, and it IS! Yet, we seem to have a big sharing problem.

So there are also benefits to staying in Monterrey. It would be a really good thing if things could actually get better in our house, because it would be such a big challenge. It would mean that we wouldn’t have to start from square 1 again regarding living arrangements. I have my own space and I have already super-cleaned my room, and put pictures up, etc. It is an easy place to stay in touch with everyone and is convenient for visitors. I am already getting attached to many people who work with us, especially with the Sisters. The people who are supporting us in the clinic have been bending over backwards to help us in any way they can. It would be exciting to be part of creating the program to visit homebound people in their homes, and connect the parish and clinic. Also, I like the doctors that I have begun to get to know, and I have the opportunity to shadow them in the clinic. We have nothing to worry about as far as getting food here…and we have hot and running water, transportation to work every day, and easy access to buses to go wherever once we put the effort in to figuring out the routes. Also, there are brigades that go out from the clinics to Zwazwa for a day every 15 days (and I’m hoping to go on my first one this Saturday), and to Huasteca every few months for a weekend every few months. I could try to figure out a creative way to be helpful in the brigades to justify my being there. Also, I think I would be laughed out of Huasteca with as much stuff as I have accumulated already, so that’s a perk for staying in Monterrey.

So, these are incomplete thoughts about that. Tere Manon, the director of the program is coming next week to visit us and try to figure out what’s going to happen. My goal is to figure out which of the challenges I am being called to at this point because I know either has potential, but either will also be hard. Please keep me in prayer as I try to work out what the best option is. I feel like a year is really a short time to be here, especially since Linda and Paula keep reminding us that they’re here “for the long haul” which means 2 years compared to the 1 that Mike and I committed to. I am practicing challenging myself to recognize that I can control how I feel and how I deal with situations. This is not easy though.

Today, we had a pretty good day. We began at the clinic with reading the gospel, and also a reflection on being present to people. Then, we got to spend a few hours with the elderly group that meets on Thursday mornings. I relate well with them, and I am looking forward to visiting them in their homes. Most of the women bring some craft that they are making, and the men like to play dominoes and some very confusing card game. Someone always brings food for us to try. Today we had homemade gorditas and a tasty drink made of corn, milk, sugar, and cinnamon. The Mexican government had a program called DIF that gives a box of nutritional supplements especially designed for senior citizens, and so they were handing them out for a portion of the time today, and it was interesting to visit with the people who do that as a job. In the afternoon, Mike and I went with several people from the clinic to the big hospital to run errands and we ended up having lunch at Pollo Loco. I like the taste, but I always feel sick afterwards. It has been really chilly here the past few days, and has gotten to about 16 degrees Celsius at night, and we are waiting for blankets still….brrr…and all the clothes I brought make sense for someone out in the country…not in a stylish city like Monterrey…and if it gets much colder, I’m going to have to go shopping…oh Andrea…

Still hanging on and loving all of you at home. Thanks for keeping up with me as you can and telling me what’s going on in your lives as well. Andrea Michelle